... And Again

I've just had the exciting experience of being made redundant. I'm getting to be quite good at it. This will be the fourth time that I've managed to bring a company to its knees.

I can do it to all different sizes of business too. I'm no one-trick pony only capable of destroying small-scale businesses, oh no! I've ranged across the whole gamut of corporate life. The smallest was a one-man (well, temporarily two-man) design company. I was only there for two weeks so I moved pretty quick. The largest was Nortel - although I probably can't take all the credit for that one as I was only part of the total number being removed.

There are those who will try and take my success away from me, blaming it on bankers making appalling short-term decisions or lending to people whose earning potential was slightly less than that of a dead whelk ("Of course you can borrow 5 times your salary to fund your desire to live well without actually having to study or work hard. I know - yes, life is so unfair. Here you go, if you could just sign here and here - Oh! You brought your own crayons, good").

I used to work with someone, although not for long, who had seen his last two jobs disappear. We sat next to each other in the drawing office of Brooklands Aerospace in Salisbury. You probably haven't heard of them for the very good reason that only a month after this chap started work the company folded in a most spectacular fashion. He, no doubt, will try and take the credit, but I know that was my first.

The public, and our own dear Prime Minister, are baying for blood and they've chosen to put Fred Goodwin on the block simply because he presided over the biggest British corporate loss in history and has walked away with a £693,000 a year pension. This seems unfair as, while it is a goody, it's also his first. Beginner's luck I say.

My problem is that, while I am extremely good at being made redundant I am, unlike Fred, extremely bad at making money from it. Maybe I should hire myself out to work diligently and hard for company's competitors, watching them crumble around me.

I could make a fortune.